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Gone in an instant, Fenris/Marian Hawke

Title: Gone in an instant
Rating: PG
Pairing: Fenris/F!Mage Hawke
Spoilers: Act II kissy-face stuff after A Bitter Pill
Summary: Fenris has a moment to reflect on the change in his and Hawke’s relationship.
Note: First time writing anything for DA2; still trying to work all the bugs out in getting everyone's characters straight in my head.

“You don’t have to leave, Fenris.” He looked down at Hawke…Marian as she slept, the firelight casting rosy shadows across her body. He let his hand curl possessively over her hip before quietly slipping from the bed.

You don’t have to leave. Her words rang in his head even as he cast his eyes about her bedroom for his clothes. How his pants wound up hanging haphazardly from the back of her chair was a mystery; everything was a bit of a blur from the moment that he had pinned her to the wall outside to the second that his back had hit the velvet coverlet now currently half hanging off Hawke’s bed. He ran his hands through his hair. What happened after was anything but a blur. The taste of her, the feel of her skin under his palms and her lips at his jaw, her breathless gasps as he moved over her, within her…those moments were seared into his memory as permanently as the lyrium markings on his skin.

He closed his eyes. Memories. For the briefest instant, flashes of images from a lifetime before had risen to the surface, flaring to life as brightly as the barely contained magic that had crackled from Hawke’s hands as she had clung to him, his name spilling from her lips and her eyes glazed over with desire. For that split second, everything had come back to him in crystal clarity, but then it was snatched away, his true name skittering around on the edges of his brain drowned out by Hawke’s whispered Oh, Fenris.

He dressed in silence, his armor once again protecting him - and he had a fleeting thought as to why he felt the need to be fully armed in Hawke… Marian’s bedchamber – when his eye caught a splash of red close to the fireplace. He bent to retrieve the scrap of fabric, his lips curling up into a rueful smirk. In his rush to touch skin, he’d been frustrated by the hidden clasps and ties of her robes and had simply torn the garment into pieces, ribbons of silk fluttering to the ground unnoticed until now. He held the material to his nose, thinking that the heady scent of sandalwood and spices would forever remind him of the way that she had moaned as his teeth scraped along her throat, her fingers tightening in his hair to the point where the pain had wandered into the realm of pleasure. Fenris touched his lips to the silk before winding it around his wrist as a visible reminder that this did happen, that it wasn’t another dream that he would wake up from in his crumbling mansion, alone and aching.

He was in the process of placing his greatsword on his back when reality hit him, making him take a step backwards. He and Marian had flirted over the years - teasing little pieces of banter here and there that had seemed to be harmless at the time but had eventually built up to form a layer of their working relationship. It was only recently that those little moments had taken on a more serious tone.

I’m an escaped slave; does that not bother you? Marian had always treated him as an equal, seeking him out for his opinion before turning to anyone else, even before asking what Anders, a fellow mage, thought of a situation. That had surprised him; he had expected the two of them to bond over things that they had in common: being apostate mages from Ferelden, surviving the Blight, being spirit healers – but it seemed that the only times that they got together if their group wasn’t involved in some errand or another was when Marian went into Darktown to assist with Anders’s clinic work. Fenris didn’t like the fact that she went to the Undercity alone, sometimes returning to her home in the very early hours of morning, but he had never felt it was his place to object to her late night wanderings.

He even had expected her to lean towards Sebastian. She was certainly friendly with the exiled prince, spending her free time lingering in the back pews of the Chantry, a hood drawn over her hair to hide her identity. She had almost single-handedly convinced Vael to put aside his priestly vows and retake his land, encouraging him to become the sort of man that could lead a nation. Fenris also noticed how Sebastian would glance at Marian when he thought that no one was looking; how his eyes would follow her as they walked, how his lips would quirk upwards in a soft smile. If made jealousy churn in his gut, a sensation that Fenris was completely unused to feeling.

And yet Marian still decided to spend the majority of her time alone with him. They would often meet in the evenings either at his home or hers and spend several hours a day working on one book or another. He often studied alone during the day merely so that he could impress her with his progress, but he relished the time they would spend huddled closely together, the scent of old books mingling in with the warm notes of her perfume. There had been more than one occasion in his education where his mind had not been completely engaged, especially after he had discovered Wild Abandon, the newest novel collaboration between Varric and Isabela that had somehow found its way onto the bookshelf in his bedroom. The name might have been different, but it was clearly apparent who they had used as a real-life example for their fictional heroine. He had to cancel several of their meetings after picking his way through one of the racier chapters, his imagination more than adequately filling in the gaps his education lacked.

Fenris couldn’t look Marian in the eye for days after, his mind flashing to her fictional counterpart’s throes of passion. Isabela had smirked at his behavior, which made him believe that she had been the one to plant the book in his room in the first place. The glare he’d sent her had only made her smirk widen, probably because she knew exactly how he had reacted to the words on the page.

He stared at the fire. Marian had answered his question with one of her own. I’m an apostate mage. Does that not bother you? Logically, it should have. He had spend years running from mages only to band together with not one, but two of them. He had initially decided to place her with the magisters from the Imperium, to deal with her with cold professionalism, but she had a way of getting around his defenses, of making him see that there was so much more to her than any label he could have put on her. She might use her magic for destructive purposes, but Marian was extremely vocal about her dislike of blood magic. She had a thirst for knowledge that he knew all too well, but only endeavored to improve her healing talents in order to better help those around her. She had a sarcastic streak a mile wide, but often only used that as a way to mask her softer, almost sweet nature from those she didn’t know well. Fenris didn’t think that there was a truly malicious bone in her body; Marian often chose the most diplomatic option to keep peace with all involved in any situation, but she tended to show favor more to those she felt were less fortunate. Even when she and Anders would often debate about their opposing views of the Chantry and the Circle – and how two mages with similar backgrounds could have such a difference in opinion was beyond him – Marian always ended their talks before things got too heated. She also had the habit of throwing herself into the heat of battle, relying on blind faith that he would be there at her back to protect her.

If he felt like being honest with himself, which he rarely felt like being, he would admit that she had unknowingly drawn him to her that first time in the alienage when she had given him her aid and shown her outrage at his situation without once flinching away from his bloodied gauntlets. He had never stood a chance, even after he learned about her magical abilities.

He tensed when he heard her stir behind him. Part of him wanted nothing more than to shed his clothes and rejoin her in bed, but the other part of him yelled out that all of this was too much. There were too many variables left unknown; Danarius’ whereabouts, political and social ramifications of their pairing, things that he knew Marian would wave aside and tell him that they could work through together. There was also the issue of his past, little teases of memories that played at the tip of his tongue. This was something that he would have to deal with on his own and his shoulders sagged in defeat because he knew that if he were to enter into a relationship with Marian – and he truly wanted to – then he could not give her a half portion of himself. He would deal with this just as he would with anything else; completely or not at all.

You don’t have to leave, Fenris. He braced his hand on the wall against the fireplace. Yes I do, he thought, closing his eyes and searching for something to say to Marian…no, Hawke to explain what he was about to do next. I’m so sorry.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 17th, 2011 03:40 am (UTC)
I think I just melted completely... I love love love the pairing of Fenris and mage Hawke; it's the one I always go with

I seriously cracked up with the description of the book collaboration between Varric and Isabella ^_^

I hope this means you're planning to write more DA2 stories :D
May. 17th, 2011 11:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Varric and Isabela were totally making a killing writing trashy romance novels in their spare time and Hawke was completely okay with being a silent partner. How else did Hawke manage to make all that money, right?

I still haven't let go of Origins and Awakening, but yes, I really do want to write more DA2 stories. There'll more than likely be a majority written with Hawke/Fenris in mind too. :)
May. 18th, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
oh yeah, also loved your explanation for where the red tie on his wrist comes from ;) makes perfect sense :D

I love reading anything you write so can't wait to see more of all/any of them ^_^
May. 17th, 2011 04:00 am (UTC)
Yessssss, I knew I could count on you for good Hawke/Fenris. I can't wait to share the kinkmeme prompt I've been writing for them, but it's not ready to be de-anoned yet. ^_^
May. 17th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
I haven't even looked at the kmeme lately. *makes a note to go lurk at the completed request page* Let me know when you de-anon!
May. 17th, 2011 02:21 pm (UTC)
Fenris Y U NO STAY AND LET YOUR ~WOUNDS BE HEALED~ with Hawke's love magic??! I finally started my rivalmance with him and I am so excited - although it will never be as sweet and heartwarming as this. Your characters are always so sweet and lovely - you're going to make mine jealous haha
May. 17th, 2011 11:52 pm (UTC)

One of these days, I'm going to have to write a complete jerk, because I've noticed that ALL of my characters are inherently nice, even when they have every reason to be bitchy.
May. 18th, 2011 04:39 am (UTC)
Even my suuuuuuuper rank characters are nice to their love interests (since you used to kind of have to be). It just comes off as hilariously insincere. Like "That's right, sell all of these puppies for money for my new armour - and then pay me for giving you the idea!! NOW!! ~*~Oh hello Alistair, don't you look handsome today?~*~"

If I go with my 'instincts' (and don't just pick the nice answers for the sake of being a 'nice' character) mine are usually still pretty awful haha lkshdgssg A lot of bad stuff happens to those poor Bioware PCs! Sometimes a girl gets a chip on her shoulder!
Jun. 16th, 2011 12:55 am (UTC)
Love it ^_^ esp the use of Hawke's line from the beginning of the scene tying the rest of the piece together. Lovely all around.
Jun. 17th, 2011 03:57 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Jun. 23rd, 2011 06:52 am (UTC)
Lovelovelove it. I adore the way you write Fenris. Hwaa~

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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