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Title: Put the Lime in the Coconut
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Hawke/Sebastian
Summary: After a night of partying, Elsa and Sebastian wake up to more than just a simple hangover.
Note: this turned out way schmoopier than I had originally thought it would be. Just think of it as your daily dose of fluff.

The pounding headache that radiated out from the crown of Elsa’s head and out over her right eye was what woke her up. Very tentatively, she cracked open an eyelid. Ah, good, she thought, glancing around her bedroom. I made it home. She didn’t remember much about the night before, just hazy recollections about a party at the Hanged Man that had eventually migrated down to the docks. Since killing Castillion, Isabela laid claim to his ship and the entire crew. She had given all the men a choice in either staying on board or finding work elsewhere, and surprisingly many wanted to stick around. Elsa had never seen Isabela in full-Captain mode before, and while her friend was content to let Elsa take the lead on land, there was not a question as to who was boss on Isabela’s new ship. To mark Isabela’s rise back as an actual Captain, Varric had thrown an impromptu celebratory party in their friend’s honor. Elsa had a moderate tolerance to alcohol, but the last thing she could clearly remember was taking a new glass of rum from Norah and smiling up at Sebastian while the room spun pleasantly around her.

Daring to open her eyes a little more, she noticed by the trail on the floor that she had shed her clothes before going to bed. She frowned; surely she hadn’t been wearing that many clothes the night before. Raising her right hand to push her tangled hair out of her face, she came up short when she realized that there was a bright red ribbon tied around her wrist. The velvet was soft against her skin, but she could have sworn it belonged to Sebastian. She lifted her hand higher, figuring out that something was weighing down the other end of the ribbon hidden in the sheets.

A muffled groan from the pile of bedclothes behind her had Elsa spinning around, her left hand bunching the sheets around her to cover her nudity. Cautiously, she pulled the blankets down over the lump of pillows, uncovering a head of auburn hair.

“I’ve died,” Sebastian moaned, trying to burrow back underneath the covers. “You cannae beat a dead man, Brother, so just go and tell Da that ye’ve found my corpse.”

“Sebastian, wake up.” She sat up straighter and wondered if she could manage to make a grab for the pair of undergarments draped haphazardly over the footboard and put them on before he fully woke up. Deciding against it, she sat there and pulled the sheets tighter around her body, her face feeling as if it was about to burst into flame.

“Elsa?” He scrubbed at his face, pausing when he saw the ribbon tied around his left hand. “What is this?” He winced as he looked around the room, noticing that it seemed as if most of his clothes were in a tangle on the floor. A quick look underneath the sheets had him letting out a slight yelp as he shot up straight in bed, his hands clutching the sheets around his waist.

“What do you remember about last night?” they asked at the same time, looking at one another. Sebastian noticed that there were red marks going across Elsa’s collarbone and disappearing underneath the sheets she had bunched at her chest that looked suspiciously like stubble burn.

“We didn’t…” He gestured towards her, eyeing the purpling bruise along the side of her neck. He could see the beginnings of another similarly shaped mark on the upper swell of her breast that the sheet didn’t quite cover.

She swallowed hard. “I don’t think so,” she answered, staring wide-eyed at him. His hair was sticking up in all directions, looking like someone had run their fingers through it repeatedly. Another memory bubbled to the surface: the both of them laughing as she pulled him through the streets of Hightown, Sebastian grabbing at her hips as she pushed him up against the wall of some house. She had sifted her hands through his hair to bring him down to her level, smiling as they kissed… “Do you remember anything about this?” She raised her hand and pointed at the ribbon binding their hands together.

He tried to concentrate as he untied the end from Elsa’s wrist. Slowly, an image of them standing on board Isabela’s ship came into focus. Isabela was wrapping the ribbon around their hands and saying something. Something about promising to love, honor, and ravish? “Oh, Maker,” he breathed, leaning against the headboard.

“What is it?”

He looked at her. “I think we were married last night.”

“That’s not possible,” Elsa started. “We…” she paused. “We were.” Now that she thought about it, she could clearly remember a moment during the evening when she had looked up at him and said I do. Scrambling under the covers, she pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped herself in it, leaving Sebastian the sheets. “We have to find Isabela and get some answers.” She snatched her smallclothes off the footboard and balled them up in her fist.

He probably should have informed her that the comforter she was holding against her as she dressed wasn’t doing as good of a job covering her as she had hoped it would, but even though he was suffering through one of the worst hangovers in his life, Sebastian couldn’t help but admire. Being able to see glimpses of pale, smooth skin and the outer curve of a breast made the headache worth it, even if it did make his hands itch to reach out and touch. “Well?” she asked, sitting on the bed to put on her boots. “Aren’t you coming?”

He smirked. “Yes, but I didn’t think you’d want me parading around in the altogether. My pants aren’t in easy reach, Love.” Had his reflexes been any better, he might have avoided getting hit in the head by the pants Elsa threw at him.


“The two of you look like something the cat drug in,” Isabela commented from her seat at the bar. She looked completely composed and not a hair out of place, which was a feat considering that she had consumed twice as much alcohol than Elsa and Sebastian combined.

“Tell us the meaning of this,” Sebastian demanded, leaning against the wood and holding up his right arm where he had wrapped the ribbon around his forearm like usual. “What did we do last night?”

“Well,” Isabela drawled, “the both of you drank, and drank, and drank some more…Oh! And then you danced! I have to say, your Highness, you have some impressive moves. Completely didn’t see that coming.”

“Isabela,” Elsa said, trying to get her friend to focus. “We need you to remember just what happened when we were on your ship. Did you happen to marry us?”

She sat back. “Oh, is that all that you’re worried about? And here I thought you were wondering if you stripped naked and ran through Hightown or something.”

Sebastian sputtered. “Is that all? Getting married and not having any memory of it is a big deal!”

“You know what? You’re awfully cranky for a newlywed.” She glanced at Elsa. “Didn’t you properly polish his rudder? I can offer a few pointers if you’d like.”

Elsa sat down on one of the stools and cradled her sore head between her hands. “That won’t be necessary, thank you,” she grumbled. “Just….is the marriage legally binding?”

“Oh, it most certainly is. A ship captain has just as much legal clout as any judge or religious figure over things like this.” Isabela leaned her elbows against the bar and took a sip of her drink. The real reason she was faring as well as she was instead of in the same boat as her friends was that she had been drinking a pint of water for every other mug of alcohol. She tended to favor drinks that were clear in color so no one was the wiser, which made playing cards with a bunch of drunks all the more profitable. She didn’t even bother hiding her pleased smirk at the way both of them looked at the other. “If it makes you feel any better, I took your conditions into consideration.”

“And what would that mean?” Sebastian growled.

“Well,” she drawled. “Considering that your response to the whole ‘do you promise to love, honor and cherish, not to mention ravish your bride on a nightly and sometimes during the afternoon basis’ spiel was och, aye while weaving on your feet, I thought it would be best to perform one of the less binding marriage ceremonies.”

“Why perform one at all?”

She shrugged. “Because you asked me to, Hawke. Both of you did. And it’s just a handfasting, so if you’re not happy, you just have to wait out the statute of limitations on this one.” She eyed them. “You did consummate the marriage, didn’t you?”

“I don’t think so.”

Isabela made a disappointed sound and patted Elsa’s hand. “Oh, poor Kitten. I know how it goes, get a few drinks into a fellow and his sails only fly at half-mast, if that much. Don’t worry; there’ll be plenty of time between now and when this thing expires to have your way with him.” She pulled two small glass vials from a pouch on her belt. “Drink this and you should feel better. It’s an old Riviani cure – it smells like moldy socks and tastes even worse, but it’ll put you to rights in no time. Oh, and it’s better to take it with some food in your stomach, or else you’ll be revisiting everything you drank the night before. Trust me on that one, all right?”

They thanked Isabela and left the Hanged Man before heading back to Elsa’s home. Either Orana or Bodhan must have anticipated their mood, because they had left a light breakfast and a pot of strong tea on the kitchen table with two place settings.

“Oh, ugh,” Elsa said, making a face as she downed the contents of the vial Isabela had given her. “That stuff is foul.” She took a few swallows of her tea to counteract the bitter taste.

“I’m not certain that the cure is worth it,” Sebastian muttered, picking at the remainder of his scrambled eggs. It took a moment, but apparently, whatever was in the vials began to work.

Elsa broke the silence. “So, what are we going to do?” she asked.

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” He fiddled with the ends of the ribbon wrapped around his forearm. “A handfasting is only valid for a year and a day, but since we didn’t consummate the union, it should be an easy thing to have it annulled.”

Elsa rose and took both plates to the sink. “Oh.” She took a bit of soap and began to wash the dishes, her head bent and hair hiding her face from Sebastian.

“You do want to have this annulled, don’t you?” he asked, getting up and going towards her. He gently turned her so she faced him.

“I don’t know,” she said, wiping her hands on a dishrag. “I…I always thought that we’d eventually marry, but if you don’t want…”

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. “My heart,” he breathed. “Don’t think that I don’t want to marry you. Nothing is further from the truth; I would rather remember the actual ceremony though.”

“It would be nice to actually remember the vows I took,” Elsa agreed. “But I really don’t want to have this annulled.”

“You want to be my wife, even now?” The city was in the middle of turmoil with the mages and the templars; he figured that they would wait until this crisis was over before focusing on Starkhaven and marriage.

“Nothing would make me happier. I might have to keep my last name just because everyone calls me by it. I don’t know if I’d answer right away to anything other than Hawke.” She laughed as he hugged her to him and spun them around in a little circle. “Easy!” she laughed. “I don’t think the potion had enough time to completely work!”

“I love you,” he said between kisses. “I didn’t want to annul this either.” His hands stroked down her sides and palmed her hips. “I just can’t believe I passed out on my own wedding night.”

She gave him a wicked smile. “I think we can make up for lost time,” she said, loosening the ties on the neckline of his tunic. She slid her palms down his chest and plucked at the waistband of his trousers. “I do believe that you promised to ravish me on a nightly basis.” She nipped at his bottom lip. “And sometimes in the afternoons.”

“I most certainly did.” He swallowed her moan with his mouth when he brushed his thumbs across her breasts. “And wouldn’t you know it; it’s well past noon.” He laughed as she tugged on his hands, leading him out of the kitchens and towards her bedroom.

“I think I’m going to like being married,” Elsa said as she toed off her boots and watched Sebastian turn the lock on the door.

“Oh, I know I will,” he replied, whipping his shirt over his head in one movement. The smile he gave her was one of the tenderest things she had ever seen, his eyes softening and reflecting all the feelings he had for her. “Now, kiss me, Wife.”

Elsa carded her fingers through his hair and rocked up on the tips of her toes. “As you wish, Husband.”


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 18th, 2011 02:51 am (UTC)
This may be my favorite Sebastian/Hawke fic now. It was pure genious and the ending went exactly where I wanted it to go. :-D
Sep. 5th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
Yay, glad you liked it. (also, late comment reply is late.)
Sep. 5th, 2011 11:59 am (UTC)
Awwwwww ♥ Completely adorable!

(Sorry about the comment spam, I have just discovered your fic and am curled up with fic and tea, enjoying my day off!)
Sep. 5th, 2011 09:01 pm (UTC)
No worries! Reading and drinking tea are some of the best things to do on a day off!
Sep. 9th, 2011 07:24 am (UTC)
Playing catch up (I think I'm almost done) and reading backwards lol

I know I've said this (many times) about Nate & Moira, and probably about Fenris & Viv (if not, I meant to), but I'm gonna have to say it about Sebastian and Elsa as well... these guys are my favorite pairing ever :P
Sep. 10th, 2011 04:58 am (UTC)
:D Sebastian and Elsa are quickly becoming Kirkwall's version of Nathaniel and Moira (and I have a bunny sitting around wanting the two of them to meet up somehow); they're really fun to write.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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